*record scratch* yeah, that's me. so, you're probably wondering how i got in this situation...

OH S--
"YEOOOWCH!"

well, that's unfortunate...
TOM judges you.

*squeee!*
"You're a mess."
anyway, your name is CONNOR CHLAMYDIA. you're not quite sure who came up with that name, but you wish death on them every day. you're a normal teenage boy, constantly tinkering with various metals and fluids. you also really like cats, as you have 12. (you *had* 7, but 7 is a bad number, and 8's nice, but then you found another and... you know, 9's not--)

and that's your bestest friend in the whole wide world, TOM! you're pretty sure he's sick of you and--
ah.
you're bleeding.